Deb's Blather

HAHA!

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:57:54 GMT

DailyOm Horoscope loves me.

"You could feel a strong desire to promote what you believe in, which could motivate you to share your thoughts and ideas with others today. The more you find that you are passionately fervent about things that speak so strongly to you, the more you might notice that you can use your zeal to affect positive change in the world. Perhaps today you may want to get involved in a cause or organization that is aligned with your interests and apply your energy toward bettering the life of someone else. Melding your desires with an activist spirit could not only motivate you to improve your community, but it might also bring you closer to that part of you which is able to connect with and unconditionally care for others."

Peculiar plans or figuring out how to SAVE THE WORLD?!?!!!

Bite me other horoscope!

Oh lord, maybe I should just plan on having water at the bar.

Oh AND this

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:54:11 GMT

Last entry had part of the horoscope smackdown, here's some more!

"You may be a bit pushy when it comes to telling others about your weird plans, but this isn't the first time you've faced this dilemma."

Weird plans? Look, dude, YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! My plans are reasonable!!

So much judgment so early in the day.

Horoscope Dis!!!!

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 10:22:34 GMT

For today aka Saturday: "You appear normal, until you fixate on a peculiar fantasy that's all about what you want."

Um, how drunk do you think I'm gonna get, horoscope, and whatdoyoumean "appear normal"??!??!?!?!?!#J #O@*@#

My fantasies are not peculiar, they are .....

Just shut up.

Oh good.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:23:07 GMT

Got my Dharma back.

"Experiencing the shared pain of humanity - the realization that all of us are acting out of protectedness and fear - allows forgiveness to come forth on its own." Ezra Bayda

So, with the recent drama, it was what it was, it had the same foundation of fear and protectiveness, actions/reactions that didn't come from healthy places, and it's done.

Om.

Hrmph

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:19:55 GMT

What, no one's going to comment on my emo post?

Gotta regroup

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:44:42 GMT

My balance is all off lately. Had intense highs, intense lows, now trying to get my bearings and it's proving to be a bit difficult. I feel like I'm on the verge of something that will be really wonderful, but now some self-sabotaging issues are creeping up on me. I can see 'em coming, and it's got me fretting rather than focused on continuing to move forward. I wonder if this is an anxiety attack? I feel like I can't breathe, have to "escape" (from what? to where?), am slightly weepy, unfocused on the incredibleness that is my life, letting minor things become huge, etc. I get on top of it, then it comes back, and it's distressing me because my Perfection Mind says that once dealt with, sadder emotions should never reappear. That's just silly.

It's a real battle in my brain between what I know and what I feel. My perspective is very screwy. I feel like I'm all emo woman, but I'm really not. I'm simply afraid. And when I become afraid, I become afraid of that emotion - as though it's the worst possible thing I can feel and if I feel it, then I'm a failure in some way. I feel this cringing need to apologize, but I don't know for what. Not being super strong, together, never fretting, always centered perfection?

I told you, man, my vision is all kinda wonky.

I'm taking the week off to regroup. Journal writing, meditation, and reading for the internal muck and mire. Cleaning, organizing, clearing, simplifying for the external muck and mire. I fully expect the external clearing to have an internal impact as well. May play some WoW, may goof on Facebook, may do nothing online at all... heh, yeah, that last one's not going to happen.

Anyways, I need to settle my mind and return to my self.

Om, babies.

Bliss

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 22:07:03 GMT

I rocked my interview at SACASA and I mainly guessed on my algebra placement test, but the bottomline is that I got into both! Haven't heard yet about if SACASA is hiring me on as a hospital advocate or just for crisis line, but either way was told to show at tonight's meeting, and so I shall! Now gotta go register for my algebra class and rework the fall schedule a bit to fit in everything.

I'm so blissed. I swear to the gods I've been grinning at everyone. And they've been grinning back! I love how happy is contagious!

Just Sayin'

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:12:29 GMT

*cross post from the Secular Arizona group on Facebook*

The Center for Arizona Policy has a 501(c)3 approval while it works actively to eliminate the rights of homosexuals in Arizona. If they were trying to eliminate the rights of African-Americans would the IRS approve their nonprofit status?

It's accepted prejudice and it needs to stop. Yesterday on NPR a guy was talking about an Alaskan government official who was spouting bile against homosexuals and he said that the views were "probably offensive".

"Probably".

The more patience shown towards these people who try to excuse their hatred with religion the worse the problem. Until there are people in our government who take a stand against this, the acceptance of hatred will continue. I personally don't care what these people think, but they do not have the right to legislate their prejudice.

Obama is way overdue on eliminating the bullshit known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", every state should have laws against discrimination against members of the LGBT community, gay marriage needs to be legal everywhere, and there must be Zero Tolerance for any attempt to harm other citizens because of their religious affiliation, gender, or sexual orientation.

In the meantime, I am praying for the Rapture to get these assholes off my damn planet.

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:51:24 GMT

Karl Malden died. Celebrity deaths come in seventeens.

My stars!

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:53:45 GMT

I feel as though my hands should be fluttering uselessly. I may need a perfumed handkerchief to hold delicately to my forehead as well.

I am definitely (barring unforeseen drama) going to the burlesque show tomorrow night by myself! Eeeeeee!

Movie by myself, no worries, don't care. Dinner out by myself, no worries, don't care. But I've never gone to a bar or a show at a bar all by my lonesome. Ever.

Feels weird and nervous making. And I feel silly for feeling weird and nervous, but there it is.

I refuse to be daunted!

Blergh.

Just got word

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:46:25 GMT

Jenny is okay! Just got a voice message letting me know since I was too slow in clicking over, but she's okay.

Now I may be able to sleep... as much as I ever do anyways. Stupid Diet Coke, how I love you so.

Writer's Block: Childhood Firsts

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:02:58 GMT

What was your first word?

View other answers

Mom says my first word was "Mama". Emma's first was "Dada", Alex's was "Mama." But the real first words for the kids were "shoe" for Emma and "that" for Alex (accompanied by forceful pointing)

Loved this

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:02:18 GMT

"When we ask what makes a happy and meaningful life, one problem that can arise is the tendency to respond with an answer that doesn't really come from the heart. At such times the conscious mind has one answer and the unconscious has another, so we become conflicted. An easy way to tell if you suffer from such an inner conflict is to see how well your daily activities match up with your beliefs. If you say that family is important but somehow don't find much quality time with yours each week; if you say that spirituality is important but spend only a few hours a week actively engaged in spiritual practice; if you say that helping others is important but you can't think easily of recent examples of your doing so, then there's probably a significant gap between the beliefs you hold consciously and the unconscious ones that are running your life."

From "The Lost Art of Compassion" by Lorne Ladner, Ph.D.

Religion/Spirituality Meme

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:47:55 GMT

1. What faith were you born into or raised with (if any)?

Generic Christian I guess. I vaguely remember going to a Baptist and a Methodist church with my mom and great-grandmother a few times. My best friend from elementary school, Missy, dragged me to her hardcore Southern Baptist church all the time and that was creepy fun. They really worked the fear factor, which, as a kid, gave me delicious chills. Thus began my deep love for Jack Chick comics.

2. Were you devout as a child/adolescent?

Not really. Thanks to Missy I had pretty much equal fear of the devil and of God, but my granny seemed to be convinced God and Jesus were really loving and sweet, so I'd talk about my day before falling asleep to granny's God, then worry about Missy's devil and god when it got really dark and creepy. I swear, both of Missy's deities were like that troll who lived under the bridge and I was a nervous billy goat.

In third grade I told everyone I didn't believe in God, they were horrified and I checked for lightening strikes. I think I did it for shock value and because I was already sick of devotion and fear being shoved in my face. By fourth grade I was agnostic, in sixth grade I did an "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" exploration of various Christian faiths with none fitting. As an adolescent I was obnoxious about my disbelief. Thankfully my granny had passed away by then. My lack of faith would have distressed her greatly.

3. If you are not currently practicing your childhood faith, what led you away from it?

Hypocrisy, hatred, restrictions that were meaningless to me, myths that conflicted with one another within the same mythology, the idea that one was supposed to think *these* myths are real but *those* myths aren't, and lies. A lot of lies. Oh, and the smug superiority shown towards those that were different in any way. Smug superiority from people who were deeply messed up and vile.

So, what was the primary thing that led me away from Christianity? Christians.

4. How many religious denominations, traditions, and/or groups have you belonged to?

Generic Christianity, Womyn's Spirituality (oh dear gods was I a pain in the ass during that phase!), Neo-wicca, eclectic pagan, AE reconstruction

5. How would you describe your religion now?

I don't. I've not practiced anything since the split. Couldn't get out of my own head enough to do so. I am doing Buddhist practice now, but don't see that as a religion. A form of spirituality? Maybe. Not sure.

Prior to the split I was an Ancient Egyptian reconstructionist. Maybe I still am. Again, not sure.

6. How long have you been practicing that religion?

See above.

7. Do you pray? If so, how?

No. I do lovingkindness/metta meditation however, which is a wish for peace for all people. Not prayer. Not asking for them to be rescued or saved by a god or gods, just hoping they'll find a way to happiness that is best for them.

8. Do you practice magic? If so, do you distinguish it from prayer?

I have. Magic is about intent and focusing the will for a specific goal. The source of the magic is primarily internal. Prayer is asking for someone or something to intercede. IMO

9. Do you work with divinatory oracles like Tarot, astrology, the Runes, etc?

I read my horoscope because it is FUN and sometimes it's accurate which is nifty. I love Tarot cards. I could never get into Runes. I Ching is astonishing.

10. Describe your personal concept of God/dess/Higher Power/etc.

That's so not where my head is now. Are there gods and goddesses and a Higher Power, etc? Maybe. I think so.

Does it matter? Not at the moment. If they're there, they'll be there when I get *back*, if they aren't, then no difference.

11. How does your religion/spirituality explain the concept of/presence of evil?

Evil is the pure and absolute self-centeredness where another person's pain, suffering, and loss is meaningless to the perpetrator. It's not about a devil or a demon, it's about selfishness. It's purposeful dehumanization of those that are outside of the evil doers "group".

12. Is music and/or dance important to your path? Why or why not?

I like them both, but don't have to have either to practice.

13. What is your concept of the afterlife?

Not a concern at the moment.

14. Do you believe in ghosts, spirits, Faeries, devas, and/or other beings beyond ordinary perception?

Maybe.

15. If you have children, are you raising them in your religion/spirituality? Why or why not?

Teaching the kids meditation has been an interesting exercise. E loves it, A goes nuts. Both know about Buddhist practice and Ancient Egyptian beliefs. E calls herself an Egyptian Buddhist. A calls himself a Scientist who likes Buddhism and thinks Thoth and Anubis are Cool. They both really love doing ritual, but I simply haven't been in that space for ages. If I started up again they'd be delighted.

This is where I'll be Thursday

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:52:22 GMT

I don't actually have pirate gear to wear and save two bucks. Dammit, enchochada, why can't you live closer so you can loan me clothing (and money)?

As seen on Facebook

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:38:49 GMT

Daaayum, who's next? The sham-wow guy??

Snerk! LA Chris makes me giggle.

:-)

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 23:48:16 GMT

http://www.aphroditeinjeans.com/excerpts/aphrodite_phase.html

I admit it. I'm an ogre.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:45:39 GMT

Heard Farrah died this morning and, as she has been battling cancer for a while now, simply said, "Okay." and that was about it. I think the only surprise was that she was in Charlie's Angels only for one season. I thought she owned that series for much longer than that.

Then I heard Michael Jackson died and I said, "Okay." and that was about it. I'm not a fan. I don't have much sympathy for his life, his trials or tribulations, or his death. The charge of pedophilia came up too many times for me to give a damn about the guy.

Only thing that's really been on my mind today has been getting the car fixed, trying not to run out the batteries on the cell phone, being in the hole financially yet again, being unable to go to the Pro-Choice Rally tomorrow and see friends afterward, and generally being freaking tired.

But more than disappointment and being wiped out (couldn't sleep last night, couldn't sit still while waiting for the car, so spent about 8 hours walking all over the place), the main thing on my tired mind is how freaking lucky I am. Having a cracked reservoir and an overheating car was sketchy enough on the way to take Emma to the dentist yesterday. Having it on I-10 miles from anywhere would have screwed me up but major. Add to that the amazing in-laws who covered the repairs until I can pay them back, AND the dazzling Miss M who not only came and got Emma and me, but let us crash at her place, fed us, and took me back to my car stupid early this morning so I could drive it to the shop, AND entertained Miss Emma while I was waiting for the car to be repaired.

Off to take a shower and then drink wine until I collapse.

Yay for me!

Grrrr

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:31:36 GMT

Arizona Senate passed the bill that requires a mandatory waiting period for abortion and the reading of state-written "disclosures" about abortion by medical personnel (those that feel like giving any information on options at all, that is).

I'm taking my once again squealing car to Phoenix on Friday for a Planned Parenthood/NARAL protest. If you're going to be there too, let me know.

I recognize that Governor Brewer, the same governor who has banned Planned Parenthood from participating in the state's women's health symposium, is going to sign this bill the second it hits her desk. But if I still feel the need to speak (again) loudly.

Now I just gotta find a pink tank top...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:18:58 GMT

Swept Away

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 05:23:50 GMT

Sometimes, I have an incredibly good day. Like today when neowiccan called me during training to leave a message on my cell so she could squee over her new Mac. First, I was worried someone died, but when I figured out what she was saying, I had the biggest grin on my face. So much happy there.

As soon as I got out of class I called her, got to squee in person over the Mac, give her tips, listen to her make dinner, squee'd some more, fill her in on my goofiness to which she gave me absolutely grounding beautiful advice, so good, in fact that, Suz, is it okay if I give moonmelody your number? After I got off the phone with ya, I told her about how you talked sense to me and she got all greedy and envious and shite. (Psst. She may need the "bomb sniffing dogs" lecture/insight. :-D)

So, feeling rather blissed over a relatively light day of training, with my nifty certificate in hand, I wafted into the house, snuggled with the kids, ate some dinner, watched Project Runway, poured myself a glass of wine and sat down at the puter to discover that not once did I say to her the following:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I love you, Suz, more than I have words to express. When I am able to talk to you either on line, on the phone, or bliss of bliss in person, I feel absolute rightness, joy, and deep love.

You are my friend. I am so blessed.

And if you're going to insist on doing this birthday thing every year, I reckon I should make a note in my calendar.

Go me!

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:47:55 GMT

Forty-five hours of Advocacy Training for Survivors of Sexual Assault DONE!

Writer's Block: Local Favorite

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 00:23:22 GMT

What's your favorite thing to show out-of-town guests when they come to visit?

Submitted By mercyb

View other answers

There is a truly horrific statue not too far from here that I try to take every person who visits to see if at all possible. Despite my best Google efforts, there is not a picture of it online. I suspect this is an effort on the part of residents to keep the damn thing a secret. I, however, am undaunted and am going to get a picture of it to share with one and all. For it truly must be seen to be believed.

It is my hope that some small child won a contest with their play-doh and then an adult carved the child's winning design out of stone. This is the story I tell myself so I don't giggle to death.

Oh man

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:47:48 GMT

David Tennant is going to be at Comic-Con in July. I wanna gooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Someone buy me a ticket, and pay for my hotel and transportation, please.

Thanks!

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:10:28 GMT

"In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

Martin Luther King Jr.