DailyOm Horoscope loves me.

"You could feel a strong desire to promote what you believe in, which could motivate you to share your thoughts and ideas with others today. The more you find that you are passionately fervent about things that speak so strongly to you, the more you might notice that you can use your zeal to affect positive change in the world. Perhaps today you may want to get involved in a cause or organization that is aligned with your interests and apply your energy toward bettering the life of someone else. Melding your desires with an activist spirit could not only motivate you to improve your community, but it might also bring you closer to that part of you which is able to connect with and unconditionally care for others."

Peculiar plans or figuring out how to SAVE THE WORLD?!?!!!

Bite me other horoscope!

Oh lord, maybe I should just plan on having water at the bar.

Last entry had part of the horoscope smackdown, here's some more!

"You may be a bit pushy when it comes to telling others about your weird plans, but this isn't the first time you've faced this dilemma."

Weird plans? Look, dude, YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! My plans are reasonable!!

So much judgment so early in the day.

For today aka Saturday: "You appear normal, until you fixate on a peculiar fantasy that's all about what you want."

Um, how drunk do you think I'm gonna get, horoscope, and whatdoyoumean "appear normal"??!??!?!?!?!#J #O@*@#

My fantasies are not peculiar, they are .....

Just shut up.

Got my Dharma back.

"Experiencing the shared pain of humanity - the realization that all of us are acting out of protectedness and fear - allows forgiveness to come forth on its own." Ezra Bayda

So, with the recent drama, it was what it was, it had the same foundation of fear and protectiveness, actions/reactions that didn't come from healthy places, and it's done.

Om.

What, no one's going to comment on my emo post?

My balance is all off lately. Had intense highs, intense lows, now trying to get my bearings and it's proving to be a bit difficult. I feel like I'm on the verge of something that will be really wonderful, but now some self-sabotaging issues are creeping up on me. I can see 'em coming, and it's got me fretting rather than focused on continuing to move forward. I wonder if this is an anxiety attack? I feel like I can't breathe, have to "escape" (from what? to where?), am slightly weepy, unfocused on the incredibleness that is my life, letting minor things become huge, etc. I get on top of it, then it comes back, and it's distressing me because my Perfection Mind says that once dealt with, sadder emotions should never reappear. That's just silly.

It's a real battle in my brain between what I know and what I feel. My perspective is very screwy. I feel like I'm all emo woman, but I'm really not. I'm simply afraid. And when I become afraid, I become afraid of that emotion - as though it's the worst possible thing I can feel and if I feel it, then I'm a failure in some way. I feel this cringing need to apologize, but I don't know for what. Not being super strong, together, never fretting, always centered perfection?

I told you, man, my vision is all kinda wonky.

I'm taking the week off to regroup. Journal writing, meditation, and reading for the internal muck and mire. Cleaning, organizing, clearing, simplifying for the external muck and mire. I fully expect the external clearing to have an internal impact as well. May play some WoW, may goof on Facebook, may do nothing online at all... heh, yeah, that last one's not going to happen.

Anyways, I need to settle my mind and return to my self.

Om, babies.

I rocked my interview at SACASA and I mainly guessed on my algebra placement test, but the bottomline is that I got into both! Haven't heard yet about if SACASA is hiring me on as a hospital advocate or just for crisis line, but either way was told to show at tonight's meeting, and so I shall! Now gotta go register for my algebra class and rework the fall schedule a bit to fit in everything.

I'm so blissed. I swear to the gods I've been grinning at everyone. And they've been grinning back! I love how happy is contagious!

*cross post from the Secular Arizona group on Facebook*

The Center for Arizona Policy has a 501(c)3 approval while it works actively to eliminate the rights of homosexuals in Arizona. If they were trying to eliminate the rights of African-Americans would the IRS approve their nonprofit status?

It's accepted prejudice and it needs to stop. Yesterday on NPR a guy was talking about an Alaskan government official who was spouting bile against homosexuals and he said that the views were "probably offensive".

"Probably".

The more patience shown towards these people who try to excuse their hatred with religion the worse the problem. Until there are people in our government who take a stand against this, the acceptance of hatred will continue. I personally don't care what these people think, but they do not have the right to legislate their prejudice.

Obama is way overdue on eliminating the bullshit known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", every state should have laws against discrimination against members of the LGBT community, gay marriage needs to be legal everywhere, and there must be Zero Tolerance for any attempt to harm other citizens because of their religious affiliation, gender, or sexual orientation.

In the meantime, I am praying for the Rapture to get these assholes off my damn planet.

Karl Malden died. Celebrity deaths come in seventeens.

I feel as though my hands should be fluttering uselessly. I may need a perfumed handkerchief to hold delicately to my forehead as well.

I am definitely (barring unforeseen drama) going to the burlesque show tomorrow night by myself! Eeeeeee!

Movie by myself, no worries, don't care. Dinner out by myself, no worries, don't care. But I've never gone to a bar or a show at a bar all by my lonesome. Ever.

Feels weird and nervous making. And I feel silly for feeling weird and nervous, but there it is.

I refuse to be daunted!

Blergh.

Jenny is okay! Just got a voice message letting me know since I was too slow in clicking over, but she's okay.

Now I may be able to sleep... as much as I ever do anyways. Stupid Diet Coke, how I love you so.

Mom says my first word was "Mama". Emma's first was "Dada", Alex's was "Mama." But the real first words for the kids were "shoe" for Emma and "that" for Alex (accompanied by forceful pointing)

"When we ask what makes a happy and meaningful life, one problem that can arise is the tendency to respond with an answer that doesn't really come from the heart. At such times the conscious mind has one answer and the unconscious has another, so we become conflicted. An easy way to tell if you suffer from such an inner conflict is to see how well your daily activities match up with your beliefs. If you say that family is important but somehow don't find much quality time with yours each week; if you say that spirituality is important but spend only a few hours a week actively engaged in spiritual practice; if you say that helping others is important but you can't think easily of recent examples of your doing so, then there's probably a significant gap between the beliefs you hold consciously and the unconscious ones that are running your life."

From "The Lost Art of Compassion" by Lorne Ladner, Ph.D.

( See? )

I don't actually have pirate gear to wear and save two bucks. Dammit, enchochada, why can't you live closer so you can loan me clothing (and money)?

Heard Farrah died this morning and, as she has been battling cancer for a while now, simply said, "Okay." and that was about it. I think the only surprise was that she was in Charlie's Angels only for one season. I thought she owned that series for much longer than that.

Then I heard Michael Jackson died and I said, "Okay." and that was about it. I'm not a fan. I don't have much sympathy for his life, his trials or tribulations, or his death. The charge of pedophilia came up too many times for me to give a damn about the guy.

Only thing that's really been on my mind today has been getting the car fixed, trying not to run out the batteries on the cell phone, being in the hole financially yet again, being unable to go to the Pro-Choice Rally tomorrow and see friends afterward, and generally being freaking tired.

But more than disappointment and being wiped out (couldn't sleep last night, couldn't sit still while waiting for the car, so spent about 8 hours walking all over the place), the main thing on my tired mind is how freaking lucky I am. Having a cracked reservoir and an overheating car was sketchy enough on the way to take Emma to the dentist yesterday. Having it on I-10 miles from anywhere would have screwed me up but major. Add to that the amazing in-laws who covered the repairs until I can pay them back, AND the dazzling Miss M who not only came and got Emma and me, but let us crash at her place, fed us, and took me back to my car stupid early this morning so I could drive it to the shop, AND entertained Miss Emma while I was waiting for the car to be repaired.

Off to take a shower and then drink wine until I collapse.

Yay for me!

Arizona Senate passed the bill that requires a mandatory waiting period for abortion and the reading of state-written "disclosures" about abortion by medical personnel (those that feel like giving any information on options at all, that is).

I'm taking my once again squealing car to Phoenix on Friday for a Planned Parenthood/NARAL protest. If you're going to be there too, let me know.

I recognize that Governor Brewer, the same governor who has banned Planned Parenthood from participating in the state's women's health symposium, is going to sign this bill the second it hits her desk. But if I still feel the need to speak (again) loudly.

Now I just gotta find a pink tank top...